The following 32 posts were part of a creative experiment I attempted in April of 2006. The circumstances were that I was fasting certain things in my life and during that time, I would keep a daily blog journal. However, for creative restriction, I would limit myself to no more than 50 words per blog each day.

Some of the results were surprisingly touching, others were beyond confusing and still more downright ridiculous. Yet, there are some gems in there and it was interesting to map the course of my heart over that month: where my thoughts went, how my faith shifted, etc.

The 30-day blog is presented here (including prologue and Eve blog) in a way so that the first blog is the oldest. You may read them by moving down the page and going to “Previous Entries” to continue the story.

Check it out. Some of them aren’t bad at all.

Prologue: Half a Dozen Nickel Tails

I talk about myself = I’m a blithering idiot.

It all sounds made-up or silly — to me. But I’m no liar.

I just prefer saying anything to saying nothing.

This afternoon I found six separate nickels — All Tails Up. Downside up in my upside-down life.

I would much rather say SOMETHING.

Month’s Eve: “Live Every Day As If It Were Your Last”

That’s hollow advice.

Cherish things because they are or because they are gone. But when you force yourself to cherish something only because it soon will be . . . gone, — you betray its beauty.

I believe that Life (and all within it) is precious for more reasons than that it is fragile.

Day 1: April’s Fool

My mother stood by her convictions today. She made a relatively minor issue a matter of no-compromise. People were embarassed & one reacted with harsh tones.

But one asked Ma to share her faith with them.

I am humbled & slightly ashamed.
Had I been there, would I have done the same?

Day 2: Irritable

Splitting headache set in yesterday. The worry set in today.

How we gonna make it this month, God?

I speak Faith to others, to so many others, and have so little left for myself.

How easy it is to believe that the miracle can happen to somebody — anybody — else.

Day 3: Please Secure Your Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others

I never understood why you’re supposed to put on your oxygen mask in a plane before helping your neighbor’s. Sounds selfish.

Is it that you have to help yourself before you can truly help other people? Or is that just a fancy justification for selfishness?

Either way — plane’s going down.

Day 4: Shifts in Thought and Action

Headaches are gone, but I got a weird bug in my belly.
I feel like something’s wrong but don’t know what. (Hate that!)

Somebody else (I don’t recall who) said, “I don’t live right and I don’t want to live right. But I want to want to live right.”

Amen.

Day 5: Valley Talk (a.k.a. Dang! This Morosity’s Gotta Cease!)

Comparing what you had to what you have now is a double-edged sword. It is equal parts tragedy & comedy; joy & regret; despair & hope.

Each of us bears a burden . . . we carry alone.

Mine is that I don’t know how my story ends. Tough spot for a storyteller to be in.

Day 6: Diversions and Escapism

It’s been a good day. New Paul Simon album, full stomach, home early, etc.
So I submit to you, a brief commercial.

Day 7: This Ain’t Smallville

I’ve said this before . . . I want Superman for a messiah. Swoop in, save me, then fly away and leave me be.

But what I want is not what I need.

And bullets don’t bounce off the messiah I believe in. In fact, He still has nail scars in His hands.

Day 8: A Day Off

Spent some time with friends.

After the video games (once wine & theology talk started flowing), this thought lingered . . .

We belong to Christ, but Christ doesn’t exclusively belong to us. If we start thinking we somehow “own” Christ, like Judas, we may start thinking we can sell Him however we please.

Day 9: Sad . . . But True

I wish I could love myself the way I love my neighbor.

I wish I could fight for myself the way I fight for others.

I wish I could trust myself as I trust the words of strangers.

& I wish I could forgive myself as much as I’ve forgiven you.

Day 10: A Conversation for Which I Was Present

This hurts.
I know.

Ive always felt so alone.
Thats your own fault.

How do I change it?
You already know the answer to that.

Stop being so cryptic. Just tell me.
If I did, you wouldnt listen.

So what are you gonna do?

I’m gonna be here. With you.

Day 11: Second Fiddle

I read an old article that made the following observation:

There is an empty space inside every instrument which gives it a special tone. . . . Hm.

So, some emptiness (or yearning) is supposed to be there. If I try to fill that void my own way . . . I’ll cease to be an instrument.

Day 12: Whole Lotta Nothin’

I love having days with nothing to do because of how relaxing they can be.

I hate having days with nothing to do because of how wasteful they can seem.

I guess this officially confirms me as at least average-level lazy. Well, at least I’m rested.

Day 13: Trinity

Each of us are made up of three parts . . .

Our Thoughts
Our Words
Our Deeds

It is startling to me that those three things will always reflect the one from whom they come, but they don’t always express the same character in that person.

Yet — somehow — they are the same.

Day 14: The Reckoning of My Ideas About Faith

I’m supposed to seek wisdom — not to pretend I know everything.

I’m supposed to be strong — not to never need help or get hurt or fail.

I’m supposed to love and serve people — not to fix and save them.

I’m not supposed to know — but to have hope and believe.

Day 15: Halfway

Some of it’s been tough & I’ve suddenly grown commitment issues.

Don’t we all want to reach our goals early? Don’t we all want to be fixed yesterday? We don’t know how to wait.

(Somebody else said this first, but . . . .)
The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

Amen.

Day 16: Egg Hunt on Easter

This whole experience has taught me much about myself, most of which I’m thankful to know, and some of which I wish I didn’t.

Not only do you have to find the eggs, but you’re never quite sure what’s in them when you do. Now, isn’t that ridiculous?

Happy Easter.

Day 17: Treading on No Ice

With every choice comes the sacrifice of the choice we didn’t make.

Today, I realized what I have to do & I’m terrified to do it because I might be wrong.

We want security so badly. Instead, Jesus walks out to meet us on the water.

Oh me of little faith.

Day 18: Not Quite Finished, But Done

Well, I did what I felt I had to do.

Something I’ve learned in this: whether you’re religious or not, there is a strength that comes from acting on faith. It won’t always be easy & you won’t always be right . . .

But you’ll always have hope — & hope, itself, is a miracle.

Day 19: Not Afraid Anymore

In a week, I may start panicking, but for now, I’m remembering the idea that first brought me here . . .

You can’t say you’re rock-climbing while staying a safe thirty feet from the edge & you can’t say you’re a person of faith unless you act like you believe anything can happen.

Day 20: Let Today’s Own Trouble Be Sufficient for Today

Today, I’m just resting in the peace that I’ve done the best I can do.

Tomorrow could be stressful. Next week, who knows? But tonight, there’s a full belly and a warm bed and a big glass of Cabernet.

Yesterday’s gone. Tomorrow is tomorrow.
For now — tonight — I’m all right.

Day 21: What I Saw On a Long Walk Down Hollywood Blvd.

Police & an ambulance (complete with awkward bystanders).
Street breakdancers.
50-person long entrance line to the club.
A human beatbox.
Homeless dude talking to his buggy.
The chapel with a huge AIDS ribbon on the tower.
A sidewalk preacher speaker-phoning Isaiah.
Batman & Freddy Krueger.

& I thought, “Three blocks. Only in LA.”

Day 22: Bitter Old Man Who Loves the Simpsons

I’m a character in search of a description. Everyone wants to know who they are & unfortunately we don’t have the fictional luxury of creating our own back stories.

What would your one-line character description be? Take a shot at mine while you’re at it.

Meanwhile, I’ll be having a Homerathon.