My Grandfather (Papa) is sick and he’s probably not going to be here much longer. It can be difficult being almost 3,000 miles away and not knowing what to say or do or even what to think or feel when your loved ones are hurting like that.
In conversation with my Da, I said, “You know, what’s the worst about it is when you can’t deal with it yet because you don’t yet know what you’re dealing with. If he were better, but still sick, then we would deal with that. If he were gone, then we would deal with that. It’s in between better and gone that I don’t know how to deal with.”
And when I hung up the phone, I realized how that idea sums up so many things in my life. Our relationships, our self-worth, our jobs, our finances, our health, and our hearts. So many things aren’t well, but they’re not dead yet. The relationship isn’t over, but it isn’t good. The job sucks the life from you, but at least you have a job. The money barely meets the needs, and only then because you gave up food to get that bill caught up.
It’s a hard place to be. I don’t know what else I wanted to say besides pointing that out, but there’s a lot of people who are there right now.
And I guess for the sake of saying it (to myself and to anyone else who might read this who can relate at all to what I’m talking about) — sometimes we get better. Sometimes everything turns around you actually win. Sometimes you don’t.
Everything could have happened very differently. You could have been in a thousand different situations, loved different people, chosen different jobs, lived in different towns, made different choices, and even lived an entirely different life. But you didn’t. You are where you are, squarely in the middle of the best and the worst of everything.
But you’re not alone. You’re not alone. If nothing else, I’m there too. And without starting to preach — I could make another few comments about who I’m certain is with us as well.
